Kniftybits's Blog

All knitting, all the time.

The Knitted Dollar July 14, 2011

Filed under: Knitting Life — kniftybits @ 11:07
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I am in the midst of reading a really depressing book that is more frightening than a Dean Koontz novel. The book is Aftershock: Protect Yourself and Profit in the Next Global Financial Meltdown. Apparently the folks who wrote it accurately predicted the housing bubble collapse and corresponding stock market collapse, which means, in theory, the future impending financial apocalypse they predict may actually happen.

For the purposes of this post there is one prediction that led to a moment of levity I want to share. They believe the dollar is overvalued and will collapse in the next few years resulting in worldwide calamity.

There is nothing funny about this and it terrifies me to contemplate, which is why we irreverently made a joke of it.

If the dollar collapses the knitters of the world can create our own currency which would be the Knitted Dollar. This currency would be worth much more than the standard American dollar, because of the time and fiber invested in creating each bill. The currency would be made of fiber according to their value.

$1 = acrylic

$5 = cotton

$10 = wool

$20 = alpaca

$50 = silk

$100 = cashmere

$1,000 = qiviut

There is a simple brilliance to this plan. No one could forge the currency, it’s not like you can pass acrylic off as qivuit. Plus, the knitters that would be gainfully employed to make currency would ease unemployment woes. So, if they are right, keep this in mind and we knitters can start our own economy.

What do you think? Do you believe they may be right? And, if so, are you ready for knitted currency?

 

A Knitting Algebra Equation June 23, 2011

Filed under: Knitting Life — kniftybits @ 10:07
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A knitter leaves Roberts, Idaho at 7:20 p.m. heading south on I-15 on a June evening. She is knitting a sock with 72 stitches and is ready for toe decreases. The Earth revolves around the sun at  67,062 miles per hour and the knitter (who is knitting and not driving) is moving at the average speed of 82 miles per hour. The knitter can knit 1 stitch every 2-3 seconds or 25 stitches per minute. Each decrease takes 5-7 seconds. The knitter decreases every other round and will finish with eight stitches. If the sun sets at 8:55 p.m. and the knitter has, once again, foolishly forgotten her knitting headlight, will she be able to finish her toe decreases before it gets dark?

Answer: Yes.

 

Things someone should invent April 13, 2011

Filed under: Knitting Life — kniftybits @ 10:26
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1) A time out button.

2) A camera that automatically uploads pictures onto blogs completely cropped, color fixed, and perfectly in focus.

3) Knitting projects that are easy enough to do anywhere, i.e. Knit Night, but challenging enough to be interesting. This knitting project would also go on as long as I want it to.

4) A matrix-like apparatus (minus the hole-in-the-head and horrid machine world) that uploads knowledge to my brain without the tedious process of learning it. Things I would chose to know a) the language for any country I am visiting, b) how to do an afterthought heel, c) how to knit things that always fit, because swatches lie (it is my vain hope that this knowledge does exist somewhere),  d) tae kwon do, e) steeking, f) how to fix my i-phone, g)…ask me in five minutes, I will’ve thought of something else.

5) Socks that generate heat; knit from yarn only available to knitters.

6) World peace. Thought I’d throw that in there, because it sure would be nice. And while they’re at it, cures to all ailments.

7)  A mute button, too.

8 ) A self cleaning house.

9) Self balling yarn.

10) A capsule that surrounds people’s heads when they’re talking on a cell phone in a public place so the whole world doesn’t have to know about their latest bout of incontinence.

 

Knitting Idioms March 21, 2011

Filed under: Knitting Life — kniftybits @ 10:43
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An afghan of a million stitches begins with a single cast on.

A knitter and her yarn aren’t easily parted.

A skein in the hand is worth two in the shop.

I’m knitting and I can’t get up.

Back to the cast on.

No reason to cry over split yarn.

Don’t count your finished objects before you bind off.

Never look a gift knit in the seams.

Dropping like stitches.

There’s a method to my yarn overs.

A sweater isn’t knit in a day. (Unless it’s a baby sweater.)

Third cast-on’s a charm.

Wild and wooly.

You are what you knit.

You can’t judge a knit by it’s pattern.

 

It’s Clear To Me February 19, 2011

I’m almost to the bind off on my toe up socks, which I knit with Schoppel Wolle Flying Saucer sock yarn. And, for reasons unknown to me, the yarn didn’t do its cool tie dye bit on the leg of the sock, only on the foot.

I waited for it to materialize, I even made it longer than I normally would, but that magic moment never occurred, except for very briefly on the ribbing. It happened on both the leg and foot of my husbands Flying Saucer socks, which I knit top down, so I assumed it would work toe up too, but you know what they say about assume…

And I am sad that the coolest part of the sock will be hidden away in a shoe.

 

I finished the sock, so I thought I'd show you what I was talking about.

All is not lost, however, as I had a brilliant brainstorm. Wait for it. Clear shoes!

I think this is a highly marketable item for the yarn loving community. We knitters love our socks. We’re proud of our socks. And we want to show them off.  What better way than with clear shoes?

There could be different styles; clear loafers for every day work socks, clear ballerina slippers for delicate lace socks, clear ked-type for coordinating laces with socks, and clear boots for cable socks.

It’s genius!

And I will be first in line with my Schoppel Wolle Flying Saucer socks.

(If someone does invent this, I would like a percentage of the sales for my creative genius. Or free shoes. Either one.)

 

Knitting Needles of Terror December 6, 2010

Wednesday I made my final (sob) visit to my LYS, Yarn on the Square, where I snagged the vibrant yarn I’d lusted over countless times – enough to make a hat (please, let it be enough for a hat!).  During discourse over my purchase the proprietor informed me that the UK ban on flying with knitting needles had been lifted.  Rejoice! She said she read it in a magazine about a month ago.

Whew!  No more secreting my needles among other items and holding my breath until I was through security.

Travel day arrived and I shoved my sock project in my hand baggage with a clear conscience.

We received a final tour of London as our cabbie avoided the M25 due to snow and bad drivers.  We watched snowflakes swirl as we passed the London Eye, Parliament, Westminster, Buckingham Palace, and Harrods. It was lovely.  The American Airlines check-in line, however, was not lovely at all.  The announcement that they were closing our flight caused us and a multitude of other impatient travelers to jump to the head of the line.  (Yes, we were the ones that you hate as you wait your turn.)  However, it wasn’t our fault as the service was unaccountably slow with the many jauntily dressed employees doing a stellar job of holding the floor down as they chit chatted.  Once at the front, a brief disagreement ensued with the AA gatekeeper about whether our extra baggage was included in the ticket.  We emerged victorious, in spite of her threats.

We raced to security, stripping as we went, only to be stymied by the inept who insist on waiting until they get to the black buckets to remove every bit of lint from their pockets.  Those of us standing there with shoes, coat, scarf, bagged liquids, laptop, belt and change in hand, glaring at you offer the following bit of traveling wisdom, “You know this is coming so get ready before you get to the front of the line or we are going to start invoking our right to jump ahead of your unprepared self.”  (Not that I’m bitter.)  We arrived at the gate panting, sweating, shins screaming from the 8,000 mile hike and £15 in hand that we were going to spend on breakfast, but instead spent at the vending machine.

Then we settled into our seats with a sigh of relief and I readied for a movie and knitting marathon.

Halfway through Eat, Pray, Love the nice expat Brit living in Tucson leaned over to ask me how I got my knitting needles on board.

“Oh, they lifted that ban,” I answered authoritatively. “Not that I ever let it stop me.  I figured the worst that would happen is that would take my needles and I would cry.” I smiled brightly and returned to my sock and Julia Roberts.

But then I started to wonder.  Did I just lie to that woman?  I envisioned her being escorted to a tiny sterile room by a burly security guard holding her knitting needles of terror in an evidence bag as she cursed my name.  I should never disseminate unverified information.  So, today I checked.

And I sort of lied.

According to the UK government guidelines listed on direct.gov.uk you are allowed knitting needles in your hand baggage.

However, according to the Heathrow website, you are NOT allowed knitting needles in your hand baggage.

Hmmm, which is correct?  What’s a knitter to do?  Well, I, for one, will continue to travel with my needles and hope my fellow traveler never finds herself in trouble for listening to me.  Which reminds me…I need to check up on TSA guidelines.

What’s been your knitting needle travel experience?

 

Ploughing is to knitting as… October 10, 2010

Filed under: Knitting Life — kniftybits @ 17:34
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Today, we went to our first ever ploughing festival!

 

And the smallest tractor award goes to...

 

 

And they're off.

 

 

And the cutest tractor award goes to...

 

As we were walking through the fields in our wellies, chewing on a piece of hay (ok, I made that part up) there was a bit of witty banter I thought I’d share.

Me: Can you imagine people coming to watch you plow your fields?  This is what you do; you’re a farmer, and we want to watch you do it.

Friend (impersonating farmer): I’ll be signing autographs after I’m done with my plot.

Me: It would be like people coming to watch me knit.

Husband: There would have to be commentators.  ‘Watch her stunning speed on that purl row.’

Me: ‘She’s coming to a difficult cable cross….and she did it!’ Imitate crowd cheering.

Husband: Oh, but she’s dropped a stitch.

Me: Points will be deducted for the cussing. 😉

 

Now dog, don't drive off like you did last time.